When I get asked what we are you doing on Monday night that works so well in getting men sexually free. My response is “honesty.”

What a concept. You would think Christians would be really good at honesty with directives like: The 9th commandment “You shall not lie.” Ephesians 4:25 says “put of falsehood and speak truthfully to one another.” 1 Corinthians 13, Gods definition of love that says “love rejoices in truth. But we are not. It’s easier to stay hidden, smoother not to let anyone know what is going on. “How are you doing?” “Great, thank you.” that’s great when it’s true but when it’s not the truth is to much work, or were scared, so we lie.

Lying isn’t’ always about using words to tell untruths. Judas never lied once that we know of in scripture, but he was living a lie, being someone he was not. It cost him his position and his life.

I have been listening to conversations lately and have been taking note of how many times folks say “to tell you truth” or “honestly.” It’s said to brace the person because we are living in a world of polite lies that get repeated so many times that it becomes expected so now we need to warn people when we tell the truth.

What a concept, honesty. What if our politicians said and did what really needed to be done. Stop all spending and pay off debt. They would have a very slim chance of  getting elected as there constituents prefer lies to the pain of the truth. There is a great song written and sung by Miranda Lambert called “White Liar” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QoR2Oax82kY the key lyric is “the truth comes out at little at a time.” it went to the top of the charts 3 years ago and is still played regularly because it resonates.

We are only as honest as we feel safe. Rejection is most often our biggest fear. If we let someone know who we are and they reject that than that is all we have and we can’t risk that so we stay hidden in the cultural norms, and indirect falsehood. Its a sad way to live but the truth is scary.

Here are your options in getting free from your sexual junk.  …….hmmm….can’t think of any. Our only hope to be holy is to be honest. If you want purity, if you want to not just do revival but sustain it you must be honest. If you are successful and you are not being the real you then you will never enjoy your success because its not really you that it happened to. Are you following me on this? We are as sick as the secrets we keep. So get naked, and be honest. Let yourself become known and you are a free man. Now go make it a lifestyle.

I am not a big fan of church words. My least favorite is accountability. Accountability isn’t biblical, and it doesn’t work. When it comes to recovery I get tired of hearing it all the time. Someone mouthed that word 20 years ago at Promise Keepers and it has been used ever since like its gospel when you can’t find a scripture reference to it. The only time I ever want to hear the word accountability is in reference to an accountant. It doesn’t work, never has, never will.

I hear things like ” I need you to keep me accountable.” I am not going to do it. I am not your policeman, and no free man in his right mind wants an accountability partner. Accountability at best is a fire extinguisher to a burning house. It is to much work, and it’s a waste of time. Accountability takes responsibility away and leaves it up to another to get and keep you sober. If a man wants to get better, he has to want it real bad. He must be desperate, and relationship will get you there.

Accountability wants a confession. Relationship wants to connect, and communicate.  Accountability wants the facts. Relationship wants to be known. Accountability punishes. Relationship is not judgmental. Accountability monitor’s, and supervises. Relationship listens, and loves.

Sexual addiction is a relationship and intimacy disorder. If you are going to get better and stay better for the long term you will learn to do relationship well. You will learn to make and keep friends, and above all be a friend. You will need to face the things that hurt you. Ironically, its relationships that have hurt you, and it’s relationships that will heal you. Relationship is what accountability never will be.

There is no good sex outside of marriage. You can have plenty of sex, but you will never have great sex because the only thing that can be satisfied is that carnal part of you. Our carnal man is that guy who feels like he just got out of prison every day. He is the bull that wants to breed every cow on a 5, 000 acre ranch.

Great sex is a full connection of body, mind, soul, spirit, shared dreams, beliefs, faith, friendship, and commitment. When all those pistons are firing, only then gentlemen will you be fulfilled sexually.

If you are single and want to have great sex, you must get your carnal man under control before you get married. If you don’t get it under control, marriage will not only not help you, it will make it worse. Fixing the problem will be much harder because you not only have to work through your crap but the mess you have now created with your wife.

When you get married, or you are married you will still need to control your carnal man. If you let him rule, he will beat down all the other things that make for great sex and leave you empty. If you give into your carnal man, that is all you will get.

Great sex is a lot of work. That beautiful orgasm and deep connection that both you and your wife will have/ or are having is because self control won, and your carnal man tapped out.

When we talk about self gratification we are in a different place than the world is. Gods call on our life is to be Holy, because He is Holy. He is in us by His Spirit, and what burns in Him naturally burns in us.

Jesus is the model for sexual purity. In 1 John 2:6 it says “The one who says he abides in Him ought to himself to walk in the same manner as He walked.” At a weak moment when Christ was tired, hungry, and lonely He was offered everything the world had. He turned it down, because He knew who He was, who His Father was, and where He was going. He could not be bought.

Jesus was rejected by his people, misunderstood by His brothers/friends, abandoned by his parents (forgetting Him in Jerusalem for a day). He had every opportunity to sexualize His need, numb/control the pain of rejection and misunderstanding.

We can’t imagine Jesus getting his feet wiped off with a women’s tears, or perfume and looking down her shirt, seeing her breast and thinking to himself “I am really wanting to do some very unholy things with this woman! But people are looking up to me. I am the religious leader around here, I can’t do it, but I want to do it, but I can’t, but I want to…..Oh,..wait,  I have a better idea. Hey you guys, you wait here, and I am going to go off alone to masturbate……I mean pray.”

We know that scenario is not true because a man who sweats blood would not masturbate.  He was without sin. Paul defines it well in Ephesians 5:3 Among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality. Jesus set the standard on sexual purity for us to follow. Be Holy as I am Holy.